I'm not at all where I thought I would be at this point in my life. I'm 23, and if you asked my 16 year old self, way past my expiration date as far as marriage is concerned. I had always imagined, nay knew, that I would be engaged by the Spring semester of my senior year, and married my first month as a college graduate. Yet I'm 23, not graduated, and very much single. 

The being single part doesn't bother me as much as not knowing what's coming next. (My 82 year old grandmother can't seem to believe this. My cousin who is the same age as me is in a very serious relationship. My grandmother asked me how I felt about her being so serious and me being single. I told her I was ok. She responded with, "yes, Callie, you ARE ok" as if I needed the moral assurance.) My whole life I always made silly plans about moving to California or New York City. So did my friends. We never thought any of us would move away from the Southi in the long run. But now I look around and I realize I'm the only one actually doing it, and instead of being proud, I'm terrified. 

I know I'll be in Poland teaching English for the Summer, but then what? I have to make my first big decision of either Madison Wisconsin or Seattle Washington for grad school and I still don't really think I understand the gravity of the situation. I keep waiting for some good reason to hold me back at the last minute, but I'm finally having to admit to myself that this is it: it's time to leave the nest. 

Without momma it seems a lot more scary. It's like being a trapeze artist without the safety net. If I fall, there is no plan b, there is nothing to catch me. No matter which decision I make, I'll be thousands of miles away from pretty much everyone I know. I'm sure I should view this as an amazing opportunity to trust God with my life. It's funny how you can talk about God's presence in your life, but as soon as He is all that is there you wonder if perhaps he isn't tangible or substanstial enough to bear your full weight. Either way, isn't the most exciting moment at the circus when the announcer booms, "And now, without the safety of the net, the tight-rope walker will perform her walk of insanity..."